16 February 2003 - I went to Ireland to rebirth a Goddess who had been sleeping too long. It had been nearly two years since I had perceived Brigid's presence in my life and, without Her, I was a right mess. During the past year, I had needed Her more than ever before and so I deeply felt Her absence. I felt abandoned and betrayed. Like Jesus on the cross, my being screamed, "Why hast thou forsaken me?!" But I believed (I had to believe) that all was not lost, that I could reconnect with the guiding force of my life, that Her flame still burned in my heart (even if it was little more than a spark in the middle of a pile of wet wood). And so, full of anxiety and doubt and fear, but with just a little faith and trust and hope, I boarded a plane and thus the journey began.

We had chosen for ourselves an alternative "plan" for the week. It had come as a consensus that we were not being called to Kildare this year. That was hard for me to accept. It was hard to release myself from the longing to be in that place. I was agreeing to no fire lit ritual at the well, no relighting of Her sacred fire in the fire temple outside the cathedral, no pilgrim's procession along the Curragh, no powerful peace conference, and (this is where ego really steps in) no connection (however brief or long it may have been) with Luka Bloom (a deep source of inspiration for me and one of the greatest Biddy Boys I know). But I was exquisitely aware of my need for a pilgrim's journey and I knew within every fiber of my being that going to Kildare would not provide that for me this time. So I agreed to the unknown, trusting that magic would happen only if I released myself to its possibility. I agreed to the alternative "plan," which was really no plan at all, but a commitment to watch the unfolding.

Our agenda presented itself readily enough. Nearly immediately upon my arrival, I was told of a Peace Walk from Bunratty to Shannon. The walk wasn't happening on just any day, no, the walk was on Brigid's Day - A Brigid's Day Peace Walk. The concept was presented to me merely as a possibility, but my Spirit immediately knew it was a forgone conclusion. We would walk, carrying the flame within our hearts, and Brigid would light the way.

A powerful week of spiritual work began, transforming my life in ways I could never have imagined, preparing me to be the vessel of the Goddess, recommitting me to being a truthful keeper of the flame. Through tests and trials, we found new ways of working together and working with the Divine. We learned not to be so hard on ourselves and to trust that when a door closes, a window really does open. We were given hard evidence that wholly supported the rebirth of the Goddess, and we were utterly grateful. We lit the flame (and the fire is still burning) and carried it in our hearts every day, then allowed ourselves to be warmed and nourished by it every night. And then it was time to carry that flame out into the world.

Brigid's Day began before sunrise, with the usual rushing about as 4 women tried to ready themselves for a 4 hour journey from the East to the West. There was coffee to be made and snacks to be packed and all the accouterments to be gotten and prepared. Before our departure, we had to close our circle and collect the Brat Bhride(s) from the bush outside. And this is where the day really began, because as we came out of our circle, we looked to the East and stood, stunned and amazed, at the most spectacular sunrise ever witnessed. We were already running late, but we could not move from where we stood. We were witnessing the rebirth of a Goddess in that sunrise; we were witnessing the rebirth of ourselves. We had kindled the sacred fire within and we were being shown that as it burns within, so it burns without. Brigid, light the way.

We arrived in Bunratty too late. The gathering had already left on the route to Shannon. My heart sank and I was angry. In my mind, this was to be the culmination of all the work I had done, we had done. Okay. Stop. Regroup. What now? We'll drive toward Shannon, find a place to drop the car, and join the walk en route. Okay. Logic prevails.

Not too far up the road, we see them (about 250 or so), and we see others who have missed the start along the way. Okay, so we're not the only ones. So now we pass them and drive on, looking for a place to park. A gated entrance to a farmer's field yields the perfect parking place - off the road, but not in front of the gate. And the presence of a woman on a tractor provides a voice that says "yes". Thank you Brigid. So out of the car and a quick pee behind the bushes then gathering all the things to carry along the way - flyers, snacks, me with my camera, and then trying to lighten the load (sometimes being Pagan can be so damn cumbersome!). So we're together now, and we're off.

We start heading back along the route, to join up with the growing group. We've barely walked and there they are. We stop and wait as the group begins to pass us, my 3 Irish friends looking for familiar faces in the crowd. And as we join with the moving force, the worst possible thing happens - we fracture and our unity disintegrates. Suddenly there were friends and acquaintances to greet and news to be caught up on and distractions working their way in. And suddenly, I am alone. Walking with hundreds of people, I am alone. No voices raised in song or chant to bring us together, unity completely disbanded.

And so I walk with myself and focus on Brigid's Flame. And the questions begin. Here I am, an American in Ireland, protesting the use of a civilian airfield for military purposes, protesting my government's actions. What am I saying with each step that I take? What would my voice declare if I had the strength to shout it out? America isn't all bad. In fact, it's pretty damn good. I don't hate my country, I don't hate our military troops, I don't deny the pride and purpose of our veterans. What am I saying here? And then I notice the song that's running through my head. God Bless America. Now that's a weird one. I don't really like that song. But over and over it runs through my mind. God bless America, land that I love. Stand beside Her and guide Her... We'll, I suppose that is appropriate. She does need guidance after all. Our founding fathers are rolling in their graves. "This isn't the way it was supposed to be." So I'm finding peace in my solitude, working out my own agenda for being where I am. And we walk, now about 300 or so.

Around the corner we go, and I'm stopped dead in my tracks. Luka is singing with every fiber of his being, standing there singing to the masses as they proceed by. I am not at war with anyone. And it happens for me, as it does every time I hear Luka lift his voice; I melt, and all resistance flows from my body and I stand there and cry. I give my love to Iraq and to America. How does he do this? How does he find the words that are so perfect for conveying the message? I can't move, but he's urging people to move on, so I move to stand on the side, to listen, just for a bit, just to find my strength in his words. And still he urges people to move on. Finally, my Spirit abides his request.

So now I'm totally lost. I begin walking again, but I've no idea how far up my friends are, so I must walk very quickly because I fear not being able to find them once we get to the rally. Well, the exercise is good. And in the process of trying to catch up, I become disconnected again. I can't remember Luka's words and I've lost touch with the meaning of my steps. I'm focused only on catching up, wishing the march would slow down so that my job is a little easier, but it doesn't. And then I see them, and I join them, but they're too fractured to draw me back in to their fold, so I'm walking alone again, amongst 350 Irish citizens, 3 of them my friends, but alone.

There's a woman talking to Dolores. In her hand, she's holding a placard. On one side said it says, "Give peace a chance." Why aren't we united in song? If we could only get together, raise our voices and sing as one. Why aren't we singing this? And so I begin, quietly, to myself. All we are saying is give peace a chance. And only I know that I'm singing. I want to walk beside Anne, to have her hear my voice and join me so that we can be two voices together, united, but I can't find her Spirit in this walk. If I can't connect with Anne, then there's no one; she is my strength here. But I keep singing, to myself, allowing the message to move me, letting it become my focus. Quietly, to myself, I sing. No one hears my voice, but quietly I sing. And then I look to my right and I see his face.

He's walking alone, but has a rushed or agitated look about him. Still, I take the half a dozen step to my right to join him. "Luka?" He turns to look at me. I extend my hand to him. "Gwen Tollefson, from Seattle, Washington." He takes my hand firmly but says nothing. His smile seems tenuous. "It's an interesting day to be an American," I say to him. "It's an interesting time to be an American," he responds. He looks as if he's about to continue, but a voice calls to him from the other direction. I wait to see if he'll return to the conversation, but he's been swept up in another moment, so I return to my friends. I'm disappointed - maybe with Luka, maybe with myself, I don't know. But I push the disappointment aside and try to re-focus. And suddenly we're there and the group is gathering in front of a long haul trailer stage. It's not pretty, but it works. And I see the banners which have walked the walk but were not visible to me (though I couldn't tell you what a single one of them said now). Our little group of 4 is standing together, but unity has been completely and utterly lost, even now that we've stopped moving. So I focus my attention on the stage and wait.

Clare O'Grady Walsh steps up to the mic and addresses the crowd. She is somewhat focused, but also somewhat frazzled. Still, I admire her strength and energy, being a woman amongst men. They've passed out small scraps of blue fabric for the children to tie to the fence along the airport. I can't say for sure, but I imagine that they are taken from the Brat Bhride left out on the prayer stones at the well in Kildare. So we wait for the children to tie their clooties to the fence and then Clare introduces the man.

Luka takes the mic and a young woman joins him on his right. "I'll Walk Beside You" fills the air and I am moved to tears again. Clearing my eyes, I try taking a couple of pictures, but it's hard to focus the camera in the increasing wind. (It's been beautifully dry and mostly clear up until now, but as always, the Irish wind persists.) I ignore the camera and just focus my being on the man and his music, quietly thinking of my (long deceased) parents as the song continues and ends.

Now he introduces his "new" song and I listen very closely. He sings with his abandoned passion and I am utterly transported to sharing his feelings. The words are beautiful, their meaning going straight to my heart, and for one brief moment in this disconnected fractured march, Luka does what only Luka can do, he unites us. Together, nearly 400 voices raise in song. I am not at war with anyone. We all feel it, each in our own hearts. It's something we can focus on and carry with us wherever we go. Together we sing, but the moment is too short. Tight schedules being enforced upon the organizers are pressing in on the moment of magic, and Luka ends his song and the unity is gone.

Dennis Halliday gives a short speech (I'm always pleased to hear Dennis speak), then another performer tries his had at uniting us in song, but his song lacks the needed simplicity for truly uniting 400 people. I occasionally watch Luka on the sidelines, trying to determine where he is in all of this. One minute he's focused, the next, fractured like all the rest. I sense his great kindness and compassion, and his frustration. I don't really know what he's thinking or feeling, what he would do if the choice were up to him, but I know that this is the end of my encounter with the man, for this time.

The rally continues, crammed into it's 1 hour time limit, and then the gathering disbands, going to catch shuttle buses arranged to bring us all back to Bunratty. Anne has a clootie that she's taking over to tie on the fence. I join her and find a Brigid's Cross lying upon the ground. I pick it up with the intent of taking it over to the Peace Camp. She ties her clootie, then looks at me expectantly, but I have no clootie to tie. "They were for the children," I say. She thinks I should have been the one to tie it to the fence, but I say "It's all right." And then I look down the fence line and see 2 or 3 clooties that have fallen to the ground, so I set myself to the task of re-tying them to the fence. Now I've tied myself to this place.

The 4 of us gather together again and walk over to the peace camp, each of us having rescued an abandoned Brigid's Cross at the rally. We leave our prayers with the crosses at the camp, then make our way over to the waiting station for the buses. We're already focused on the next piece of the agenda, since I have to be in Kildare at 7:00 to meet a friend for dinner. And the moment is gone and we're bantering amongst ourselves, occasionally returning to the feeling of the event, but mostly gone from it.

An hour or so later, as 3 of us drive in circles trying to get to Kildare but also trying to avoid going through Limerick, we are struck by the beauty of the sunset, a perfect mirror of the sunrise we'd witness earlier in the day. The day was done, the work was done, and soon it would be time to carry what we'd received from the day, and the days before, deeper into the world.

Late that night, back at home in Co. Meath, Anne and I stayed up talking. I found the courage to broach the subject of the lack of unity on the walk that day. Our discussion was illuminating and provided many ideas for the future. It is my sincere hope to be able to carry these messages I have received out into the world, to always be at peace in my own heart so that I can carry peace with me wherever I go. We could live as one between the sea and sun. I have to believe that. Thank you Luka. Brigid, light the way.

P.S. Of course, the addendum is this... I joined with the millions of others yesterday and walked the walk. Here in Seattle, between 15,000 and 30,000 gathered (depending on who's numbers you look at) at the International Fountain on the grounds of Seattle Center and walked through the heart of downtown to the INS Detention Center in Chinatown. In one hand I carried a small lantern that housed Brigid's Flame (collected from Kildare during the millenium Féile Bríde). In the other, a Brigid's Cross that I had woven from rushes earlier that morning (the request was for a red flower to leave at the INS, but in my tradition, the cross was more meaningful). As I wove the cross, I sang Luka's song, thus weaving the message into the cross. And as I walked yesterday, I sang, not loudly, but loud enough for at least a few to hear. I found at least a part of my voice and carried the message of peace within my heart. I am not at war with anyone. Thank you Luka. Brigid, light the way (and she did). Thank you Brigid.

P.P.S. Luka's song, I Am Not At War With Anyone, can be downloaded from his website in both Real Audio and Windows Media formats.

14 September 2001 - Crow's Message. Wednesday afternoon, while walking across the yard, I came across a crow's feather. I picked it up and put it on my desk when I came inside. Last night, I looked up crow (though I ought to have this one memorized by now), and understood something I hadn't understood before. Here, then, is what stood out to me from the text of Animal-Speak.

Wherever crows are, there is magic. They are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. They remind us to look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. They are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us.

Combine this with the creation message from Neale Donald Walsch, Marianne Williamson, James Twyman, James Redfield, and Doreen Virtue, the channelled message from Kryon, and RBL's rune reading and I think we can all get the picture. I would imagine that any sort of channelling or divination regarding this current issue would shed the same light. It is time to whole-heartedly embrace the concept of "You create your own reality" by envisioning the reality we all want to create - a reality filled with peace, love, freedom, right justice, and right action. I BELIEVE WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. As one person, I can't affect how President Bush or NATO or any other world leaders will react/respond. But as one person, I CAN create an awful lot of energy to direct toward the reality which I envision. And I KNOW that when my energy combines with all the other energies out there, we CAN and WILL make this world a beautiful place to live, FOR ALL PEOPLES!!!

The dust has settled for me, as I'm sure it has for many (though I realize not for all). I no longer sit stunned and amazed, dazed and confused, wretched by emotions from without as well as within. I no longer wander aimlessly, unable to accomplish the simplest of tasks. Finally, I am able to get a grip and focus. I have my head back, and most of my heart (though some of that is still being "borrowed" by those whole simply cannot cope), and as Spirit never left me, I know that now IS the time to focus. Personally, I'm going to focus on what Spirit has been telling me all along, what all of the current messages are saying, loud and clear.

Brigid,
You are a woman of peace.
You bring harmony where there is conflict.
You bring light to the darkness.
You bring hope to the downcast.
May the mantle of your peace cover those who are troubled and anxious,
and may peace be firmly rooted in our hearts and in our world.
Inspire us to act justly and to reverence all God/dess has made.
Brigid,
You are a voice for the wounded and the weary.
Strengthen what is weak within us.
Calm us into a quietness that heals and listens.
May we grow each day into greater wholeness in mind, body, and spirit.
Amen and Blessed Be.

- modified from a Prayer to St. Brigid written by members of the Solas Bhride community in 1997

12 September 2001 - A Naoimh Bhríd, guí orainn (Saint Brigid, pray for us).

Yesterday, the world changed forever in the blink of an eye. Like all Americans, I am stunned and amazed, but suddenly I have a much greater understanding of the turmoils that plague all the other parts of this world. This is what people in Northern Ireland, Bosnia, Iran, etc. go through on a daily basis. No, perhaps not quite to this scale, but the chaos that persists daily, the uncertainty of the outcome of even simple normal daily events. Yes, life is tenuous, at best. All the more reason to celebrate life each and every moment, for all its complexities. More importantly, all the more reason to continually strive for peace.

I was at a church service last night and was reminded of the words of Lao Tsu. While I cannot remember the quote exactly, it was something akin to this...

If there is to be peace in the world, there must be peace in our nations.
If there is to be peace in our nations, there must be peace in our communities.
If there is to be peace in our communities, there must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors, there must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home, there must be peace in our hearts.

Peace. It begins inside each of us, in our hearts and in our spirits. When we know peace, we become a beacon to others, so that they may know peace as well. It spreads, like a plague, from person to person, until one day, the whole of the world is affected. Imagine that - the whole of the world, the whole of humanity, infected with ease instead of dis-ease, a plague of peace running rampant through all lands. I beleive this can be. I believe in the possibility of peace, worldwide peace, and I carry hope deep within my heart. And I know that the pathway to peace is forgiveness.

I open up my eyes
to the sunlight shining through
and in the dream that takes me back
a single word rings true
my memory awakens
to the horrors come to pass
one word in the morning light
brings freedom home at last

forgiveness...

for the ancient wounds still hurting
for the wrongs I've never know
for all the children left to die
near fields where corn was grown
like the ones who braved the ocean
in the fever sheds to burn
let all the hated leave these shores
never to return

forgiveness...

- luka bloom

I couldn't stop these lines from running through my head yesterday. Over and over, the words played in a continuous loop and I knew how truly important they were. They've always affected me, always brought tears to my eyes. When Luka performed this song live, I was moved beyond anything that words could describe. And now... now... Now I am compelled to shout it in the streets. FORGIVENESS!!! The pathway to peace is forgiveness. The insanity ends with forgiveness.

Today, I ask each and every one of you, in your own way, coming from whatever spiritual perspective you will, to open up your hearts to whatever God/Goddess/Spirit/CosmicIt you will and find forgiveness for whatever you can. Even the smallest piece of forgiveness is a step in the right direction. If you can forgive the grand scheme of things, if you can forgive the terror and the horror, the pain and suffering, the attack on freedom, so be it. If you cannot, start with something smaller, something more intimately personal. And if you find you cannot forgive another, try to begin by forgiving yourself. And I ask each and every one of you to pray - pray for the lives lost and the dreams not yet realized, pray for the hearts and minds turned so hard and cold that it was believe that this was the right thing to do, pray for justice achieved through right action instead of retaliation, and pray for peace.

A Naoimh Bhríd, guí orainn (Saint Brigid, pray for us).

02 July 1998 - Things change so rapidly in life. The days fly by and the next thing you know, you've lost almost an entire year with hardly a memory of the events that shaped it. In many ways, this has been the case for me, yet in other ways, it is not the case at all. Admittedly, I've not found (or made) the time to do much with these pages, and that makes me a bit sad because there's so much to be shared between us. On the other hand, it's been very good for me to be out in the world, interacting with real people (not that you aren't real, but I can't really touch you or feel you and you don't talk to me, though I wish you would - email is such a wonderful thing). Every now and again, Spirit sends me a little reminder of why I am here. Some of those reminders are grand enough to remain a part of my memories, others are like a gentle breeze that tickles your skin and then is gone. Most of my reminders come in the form of a person - someone who acknowledges something about me or something about themselves and through that acknowledgement comes a connection. The connection may not be an ongoing one, or it may be an expansion of an existing one, but it's there, undeniably, and the feeling it gives... I can't really explain it, but it's wonderful, to say the least.

Connections - I think that's a large part of what life is about. We are a massive web of interconnectedness and the more we acknowledge this, accept this, and even delight in this, the greater our potential for knowledge and growth becomes. (I started diddling around with the targets on the page and lost my train on thought, so forgive me if this suddenly seems disjointed.)

There was a book my father gave me when I was a child, all about the trolls of Norway. I really can't remember what I thought of this as a child, but as I grew older, I remember cherishing the book, for two reasons. I cherished the book because A) it was something my father had given me and it was one of the few things that I had left that connected me to him and his memory, and B) the stories were something that was a part of my ancestral heritage. So in and of itself, right there are two connections, one being family or tribe, the other being ancestral. Anyway, I have this book, and it's old and warn and very loved and real (definition taken from the Velveteen Rabbit). Well, one day, I'm working in the store and I'm ringing a gentleman up and he writes a check for his purchases. In compliance with company policy, I'm going through the routine of checking the information printed on his check and something grabs at me. It's the name. The name, his last name, is the same as the author of this book (which is, btw, out of print). I look at the gentleman and I ask him, "Are you, perchance, related to Grandpa Stavig?" He smiles and nods and tells me that he is his grandson. I'm delighted! (Boom. Connection. Acknowledgement. Connection. Elation.) We talked for quite some time (quite some time being more than the 60 seconds it takes to process your average retail transaction but less than the time it would take to consume your average cup of coffee). I shared my story with him and he shared his story with me and we both smiled and walked away feeling better for what we had shared. I've not seen him since, but the thread that binds us will always exist. Grandpa Stavig's grandson will always be a part of my life because we have a connection.

Scenario 2 - (Taken from my personal journal, dated 03 December 1997) - "Today I met my brother, though I could not tell you his name; the words swept by so quickly, but he is my brother just the same. Today I met my teacher, but don't ask me what he taught; my spirit understood so thoroughly that my mind was left without thought. Today I met my lover, though a handshake was all we shared; he embraced me with love so completely that my entire being was bared. Today I met my friend, though we barely had time to talk; I wrapped his books and he smiled and, then, away he walked. How do I know my brother, my teacher, my lover, my friend? He honored my life and spirit, from beginning until end."

A physical presence of less than 5 minutes prompted me to write this. Again, a customer, just your average Joe. But with me being spiritual and he being spiritual, there was no possible way we could have NOT connected. This man looked straight into my center and told me what he saw there. He didn't sugar coat the negative or elevate the positive. Point blank, he acknowledged ALL of me and, in turn, allowed me to acknowledge ALL of him. One tiny little phrase was all it took as he looked at me and said, in the course of the conversation, "You're a very spiritual person." I had proclaimed nothing to him, save what I proclaim simply by being, yet he saw what was in my heart. Connection. Again, a thread that will always be (though again, I've not seen him since).

Scenario 3 - I'm getting married. This is, quite possibly, one of the greatest connections of all. I won't go into detail about "why" because I believe you already understand this, but let me tell you a little bit about this special connection. My betrothed is my Spirit Brother. If you've read my story (Samhain - A Story), then you have met my Brother. What is written in Samhain - A Story is very much what our relationship is and has always been. There is no point in trying to reiterate it all for you when it is said as it should be said, but what is not is the story is what will become the continuation of that story.

You see, I wrote Samhain - A Story back in September of last year. It was written to be part of my Samhain ritual and the characters and the story itself are, in many ways, very much real and true. Well, being very proud of my work, I began to share the story with my family. I read it here and I read it there and everyone gave me positive response. Eventually, round about the Yuletide season, I had the opportunity to read it to my Spirit Brother Sean. The door that this opened was very much a portal to the Otherworld, though neither of us knew what was on the other side. So we tested and we tried, hoping to get a glimpse, but no light was shed until, with courage, we took a full step THROUGH the portal (and once you're there, in essence, you can never go back). What we found was a connection beyound our connection, something greater and grander than either of us had ever acknowledged. But has anything changed? No, not really. We still are as we have always been (and shall ever be). What it took was for both of us to open our eyes and see the door then find the courage to step through to the unknown.

How many of your connections aren't reaching their full potential because you cannot see the door that lies before you or because you're too afraid to step through to the other side? When you've a connection that is rooted in love, there should be no fear. If there is fear, then you are not being true to yourself, true to your spirit, true to God/dess or Divinity as you perceive It. When we make connections in our lives, we honor ourselves and our place in the web of the Universe in a way that cannot be accomplished by any other means.

I seem to be unable of concisely wrapping this up into any sort of conclusion. I know what it means to me, but I can't seem to be able to put it into words, so I'll just have to let you come to your own conclusions and find the meaning for yourself (which, really, is as it should be anyway, for I can tell you what's important to you no more than you can tell me what's important to me). As always, comments, questions, feedback and/or dialogue is welcome.

27 November 1997 - THANKSGIVING - Today, I am thankful for the gift of life, the bond of family made not of blood but of Spirit, and the endless opportunities that abound. May each and every one of you find that place of peace and love within so that you may share it with all who cross your path.

03 November 1997 - Well, it's been quite awhile since I've had the chance to update this page. This, essentially, is a good thing, since it means I've managed to tear myself away from the computer and make an attempt at having a real life. It's been valuable to me in more ways than one, but through it all, I realize that there are a few things that have slipped by without mention. First of all, let me say that I did not miss the passing of Mother Teresa, but somehow, I found her passing so peaceful that I did not feel the need to post about it. Since my last post, we've also lost (don't laugh) John Denver. His passing did affect me, but I won't go on about that either.

I'm working in a bookstore now. It's quite a different experience from the usual office routine, but I'm enjoying it (for the most part). New challenges, new responsibilities, new goals. In a way, it's like having a new life. Now if only I had the new body to go with the new life - my feet are killing me.

Working with the public can open your eyes to so many things, one of which is the "status" of the Universal energy for any given day. Take a look around you - How many people are smiling and laughing and genuinely happy? How many people are cranky and unappreciative? I've noticed that the responses of most "normal" people is a very good key to the kind of energy that's floating around. This is very useful for the Witch - it gives her (or him) the ability to know what kind of energy she is tapping into, should she choose to do so. Knowing what you're tapping into usually will help you determine what kind of output you're going to get. Think about it and know that, though people are a good indicator of the Universal energy (because most people tend to walk about unshielded and pretty much unaware of the energies that are affecting them), you yourself do not need to fall prey to a bad day. Some shielding techniques combined with the power of persuasion (in this case, the persuasion of your own mind) can change your reality. It's all about awareness - awareness of Self, awareness of environment, awareness of the Universe and its web of interconnectedness. With the awareness comes the ability to choose how you will act and react, whether your own output will be positive or negative and whether you will choose to receive positive or negative as input. This, in turn, will help you to respond to others, rather than react, which, in my mind, is always more beneficial. Try asking yourself these questions... What kind of a day is it today? What kind of energy do I sense about me and about my environment? Is this an energy I want to tap into? How can I use this energy to its full potential? How can I protect myself from this energy if I feel is does not serve me well? How can I change my own responses to this energy? What can I focus on today that will make this day positive and productive and beneficial to all? A moment or two in meditation will help you know the answers. A firm statement of purpose repeated to yourself will help you anchor your responses. From there, you can know that you will go out into the day and be as you wish to be, as long as you remain aware.

04 September 1997 - Something's gotten lost. In all the coverage I've seen, in all the posts pertaining to the issue, in all the discussions and dialogue, we seem to be missing a key point. A person who fought for change on this planet is no longer with us. A person who was a mother has been taken from her sons. A person who was a friend to many is not here anymore. What is this insane need to place blame on others for this tragedy? Is it so necessary to "pin it to the bad guy"? My thoughts are as follows. A) All is as it should be. B) Nothing happens without a reason. C) Everyone involved made their own choices. D) Let's not forget to take a moment to honor the spirit of the ones who've died. E) Let's not forget to do all that we can to make sure that those who are left behind are able to continue to move forward and grow in positive manners.

A) All is as it should be - which goes hand in hand with - B) Nothing happens without a reason. Tragedy is just that, tragedy, but is tragedy really such a vile thing? Would any of us be the people we are today had we not experienced our own tragedy? Would we know what we know had we not had the opportunity to learn those lessons? And what new lessons are being taught to us each and every day, through the things that happen directly to us as well as the things that indirectly affect our lives? I, myself, have been changed by the deaths that occured in that accident. I think about things differently in these days that have passed. Before, I had never really paid any attention to the goings on of the royal family. Sunday I was forced to stop and think about what had happened, and what it meant to me, and I found myself reviewing the life of a woman to whom I had paid little mind, but I had to acknowledge that with or without my attention, this woman went on to live her life the best she knew how. Then I had to acknowledge that, in my opinion, based on what I did know, she did a pretty damn good job for herself, for her family, for her country, and for the world. She put energy into the things she believed in. She did her best to avoid those things which caused her grief. She made a difference in the lives of many, be it with a smile or a handshake to an elderly woman, or be it by putting her voice and her presence into a cause such as the landmine issue. She lived a life that was in constant flux and she created a world which fought for constant change. She is no longer her to lend her smile, her hand, or her voice, but I've no doubt her presence will be felt for years to come. And through her death we can learn to take a stand. We see now that there is one less voice fighting for the issues we hold dear. Perhaps, through her death, we can all learn to lend our voices to the causes we feel are true and just. Speak up! Speak out! Just do not silence that which is true in your heart.

C) Everyone made their own choices. Choice. It's what life is all about. We make them every day. Do I get up when the alarm goes off? Or do I choose to steal another 10 minutes of sleep, which inadvertantly turns into an hour and a half, thereby causing me to be late for work? It's a choice I make, and the outcome is based on that choice, and there's no one to blame but myself for a negative outcome. The four in the car made their choice to get in that car. They made their choice to wear or not wear seatbelts. They made their choice about which route to take, about the speed with which to take it. They made their choice to flee from the hungy public eye in a manner which put them in serious jeopardy. The result of all these choices was a tragic accident, and for three of them, death. Sure, if the paparazzi hadn't been in hot pursuit, then maybe they would not have been going as fast. Well, the paparazzi wouldn't have been in hot pursuit if there weren't such a lucrative market for the product they were trying to obtain. There wouldn't be a lucrative market for those photos if the people didn't buy the trashy papers on the newsstand. And the public wouldn't buy those papers if they found contentment in their own lives. So who is to blame? The paparazzi, for their unscrupulousness? The papers, for paying such a high price for said photos? The public, for creating a market for such poor journalism? Or is there no blame, other than that which lies in the hands of those who are now dead, for making the choices which they made which governed the outcome of their lives? They made their choices, and now we must all live with those choices. "For the good of all and according to freewill." Was the humanitarian living in a humanitarian-like fashion at the time? Or was it a case of "for the good of the one"? These are things to think about before anyone goes pointing the finger and dressing anyone in that coat of blame. Can each of us not be held equally responsible? Think about it. Action and reaction. Cause and effect. Order and chaos. And all of these things are necessary for there to be balance. You cannot have one without the other.

D) Let's not forget to take a moment to honor the spirit of the ones who've died. Life is a gift and should be lived as such. We are spirit manifest in physical form here on this Earth not for our own petty needs but to serve the greater purpose of the whole. The opportunity to serve in such fashion is also a gift, a blessing, if you will. The knowledge we gain from service is an endless opportunity to grow. The wisdom we gain from the application of knowledge is an endless opportunity to transcend. The more we know and the more we use that knowledge for the good of all, the closer we come to achieving spiritual fulfillment, to rejoining The One. We are called to do all that we can in this life that will serve the good of all. When we are no longer able to effect change for the good of all, we cross over to another time, another place, where we again can be of service. Those we have loved who are no longer here with us in physical form are here with us nonetheless, in spirit and in our hearts and minds. Oftimes it is through their leaving that their own lives cause the most change, for the good of all. Let us see that these deaths are of benefit to each of us individually as well as to the whole, as we are all connected. Let us make note of the work that goes unfinished so that we may pick up the pieces and see each project through to conclusion. Perhaps you have landmines in your area that need to be fought. Perhaps those landmines are not in physical form as such, but are your own personal little timebombs that need to be disarmed. Where do you have to tread lightly in your own life? What issues can you not step upon for fear of explosion? How can disarming the bombs improve your life so that you are better able to serve to good of all? What have you ignored too long that simply cannot be ignored any longer? Make a difference in your own life and you make a difference in the lives of all. Your own personal change effects change in those around you, which effects change in those around them, and so on, until each person has been effected. Then the world is effected. Perhaps that change is something so simple as driving at a slower speed, using caution when behind the wheel of a car. What effects does this have? You use less gas which produces less exhaust which in turn pollutes the environment less. You are more aware of your surroundings as you drive, perhaps making that motorcycle behind you more visible, thusly causing you not to turn in front of him sight unseen and perhaps this way another life is saved. There are immediate tangible effects and there are more circumstantial effects, but every choice you make changes everything about you. Be aware that this is so. In this way, I believe, the spirits of those who we lost are best honored, as we realize that each and everyone of us DOES make a difference.

E) Let's not forget to do all that we can to make sure that those who are left behind are able to continue to move forward and grow in positive manners. The children ARE our future. Harry and William lost a mother at an early age. I can relate. I lost a mother at 16 and a father at 6. This will profoundly effect their lives, but it doesn't have to be in a negative fashion. I would not be the woman I am today had I had a different childhood. I'm pretty pleased with the way I turned out. But I am who I am because of the support and guidance of those around me - support that may not have been there had I been a "normal" child with two parents. Through this I have learned that support and guidance of our children, our future, is necessary regardless of their have's and have-not's. Let us do all we can to raise our future generations to be the kind of people we wish we were. Let us teach them wisely, show them the value of respect, show them the gifts that come with the lessons of responsibility and accountability, let them see through our own actions and not just hear with their ears. "Do as I say, don't do as I do" no longer flies in this climate. Let's give the children something to be proud of, in turn, we can be proud of ourselves. Cause and effect.

(Bet you didn't think I could go one for so long about this. Well, I promise, I'm done, for now anyway.)

31 August 1997 - Diana, Princess of Wales died following an automobile accident early this morning. I need time to formulate my thoughts on this. Stay tuned.

(Wait! Where was I? How did I get down here? And how do I get back to where I was! Never fear, click here, or use your browsers "back" button.)

31 August 1997 - Religion vs. Spirituality. You knew this was coming. You knew I couldn't pass up an opportunity to blather on about why I despise the term "religion" and why I prefer the term "spirituality," so here we go.

Religion... To me, religion is something that is wholly political, beginning with dogma. It implies images of submission and subservience. Religions teach that there is one way (spiritual path) and all other ways (alternate spiritual paths) are not valid. "We are right and they are wrong." (Hogwash!) Religion is structured, limited, and leaves little room for free thought. When you follow a religious path, you are told what to believe and how to carry those beliefs forth into your daily life (except I see a whole lot of "belief" and very little "action" on the parts of most religious people, what I commenly refer to as "talking the talk but not walking the walk"). You are taught to follow, not to lead. You are given preset predetermined "facts" and are told not to question the word of whatever religious holy text the religion is based on. What good is this? What exactly is the purpose of being religious? To save your eternal soul? I have been on the receiving end of many brash people who state that, as a Witch, I am free to do in this life as I will BECAUSE there is NO system of accountabilty, as we all have the opportunity to be reborn (reincarnated) and if we don't get it right this time, well, then, we can just come back and do it again. Well, if that's the way they want to look at it, I can't change their perceptions, but that certainly isn't the way I look at it. We (or I), in fact, DO have a system of accountabilty that is directly linked to the Threefold Law - Whatever energy you send out shall return to you with a power times three; in essence, you reap what you sow (and then some). (You did it to me again! I want to go back to what I was reading! Okay, click here, but get used to using the "back" button, 'cause I'm not doing this forever.) It is believed that this accountability causes Witches to be even more thoughtful of ALL their actions, for it is also believed that what doesn't come back in this lifetime WILL come back in another. There is no one I know of that wants to wrack up the kind of karmic debt that is incurred when one acts and lives irresponsible and without accountability. (Now, I could turn the arguement around, back from whence it came, and point a finger and say that, in this specific instance I am speaking of the Christian faiths, BECAUSE you believe that you are saved, REGARDLESS of your sins, simply by accepting Jesus Christ into you heart and proclaiming him to be your Lord and Saviour, well, then, it must be YOU who has no accountability, for it matters not what you do; no matter how vile you are in this life, all your sins are forgiven. But I digress, for that was not the point, and that is also something I certainly DO NOT believe about those who follow the Christian faith, at least not on the whole. I try to take people at face value. What one person does cannot be assumed to be an accurate representation of a group on the whole. Point is, there's two sides to every story, and what can be a case FOR can also be a case AGAINST.) So let me get back to the point. Religion. Ah, yes. Religion. It's wholly political. Personally, I want nothing of it.

Spirituality... To me, spirituality implies an acknowledgement and understanding, however minimal, of that which is greater than one's self. I am only one little fishy in one little pond in one little state in one little country on one little continent on one little planet in one little solar system of one little galaxy that resides in one little universe. I would be a fool to think that this is all there is, all there ever has been, and all there shall ever be. Good Goddess! How vast the Universe that we, as human beings, cannot even truly conceive of its full expanse and nature? There HAS to be something more than this! And it had to come from somewhere. So this is where spirituality begins - acknowledging that we are merely specs of dust in all of eternity. So you ask, "Well, what difference does that make?" Okay, I'll acept that as a valid question. The difference it makes is this. If we start with this acknowledgement, then, as humans are wont to do, we begin to explore in order that we may come to some sort of understanding. Humans are big on understanding. They want to KNOW, and they want to realize their place in the scheme of things. But knowing and finding a niche in the scheme of things cannot happen unless you understand, however minimally, for true knowledge comes FROM understanding. The more you understand, the more you know. (Eventually, you'll realize that you already know everything, you only forgot that you knew, but that's a whole other train of thought and right now that train is derailed from track 33.) So now you're wondering, "Okay, so I've got this knowledge and understanding, but what difference does that make?" Well, that's another valid question, because knowledge by itself doesn't do a damn bit of good. You have to learn how to APPLY that knowledge. Through the application of knowledge, we gain wisdom. Ah, wisdom. The ultimate. To be a wise one. To not only know all there is to know, but to also be ABLE to apply it in our daily lives, so that, ultimately, we may serve the good of all. I could go on for days, most likely, but the point was to define my concept of spirituality. So here it is... Spirituality is the search for wisdom in order that we may connect with greater Universal energies. (That's the point, since I knew you were going to ask, to connect with greater Universal energies.) It is my opinion that this search should be allowed to take you down whatever path(s) are necessary so that you may gain that understanding and knowledge. Again, it's entirely up to you as to what you choose to do with it. You can apply it and occasionally gain wisdom, or you can let it sit there and rot like a tomato left too long on the vine. It's up to each and every one of you to make the choice to do something, do anything, or do nothing at all. I certainly hope you chose the WALK your spiritual path with honor, grace, and humility. Don't forget to keep your mind open. You never know where your next blessing is going to come from.

30 August 1997 - I have this little basket that sits on my coffee table. Inside the basket is a collection of tiny little cards, about the size of a gift tag, or smaller. There are three kinds of these cards in this basket - Angel Cards, Blessing Cards, and Faery Cards. All of the cards were created to promote introspection and reflection. Each card is printed with one word/blessing/gift/quality, concepts such as: Availability, Resolution, Focus, Closeness, Healing, Simplicity, etc. Between the Angel and the Blessing cards, there are probably over 200 words/blessings/ gifts/qualities. The Faery cards are a bit different. The contain a phrase, a metaphor, such as: You are the sparkle of an ice storm. The theory is that in the morning, you draw one of these cards and it will tell you, in somewhat of a divination form, what the one gift is that you ought focus on for the day. The alternative is to draw a card at night and it will give you insight into the "theme" of the day. In some ways, the cards are really hokey, in other ways, they are really special. So I've got this basket of cards, and I'm thinking to myself, "Now that I've planted the seed, I need to get the creation growing," referring, of course, to this inspired and hopefully creative insanity. And I think, "Gee, wouldn't it be a good idea to draw a card and use that as a launch point." Well, to give you an idea of what I've gotten myself into, the card I drew (this particular one happened to be an Angel card) was blank. Blank! Can you believe it? I ask for a little guidance and this is what I get? But serioulsy, this actually tells me something very important. This tells me that now is the time for me to stop looking outward for the answers to my questions and instead travel inward. Within is where all the answers are, where they have always been, and where they shall always be. "For if you do not find that which you seek within, you shall never find it without." So goes the Charge of the Goddess, and so I am reminded once again. I am reminded that I must spark my own creativity, that I must create my own inspiration, and if I can create a question, then I must also have the knowledge to create the answer. This, I believe, in many ways, is a reiteration of what Brighid's Fire is all about. It is also very much what Consumption is all about. Now doesn't it seem fitting that the focus of the first posting to this insanity be toward the intent of these pages? As always, comments, questions, and feedback (hopefully of a constructive nature) are welcome.

29 August 1997 - I've been inspired. Is this a good thing? I happen to think so, though you may not agree with me. Whether you agree or not is not my problem. I'm going to follow my inspiration as I see fit (if you don't understand that, refer back to Brighid's Fire and Consumption), so here we go...

I'm here. I've got me presence (my presence, even) on the web. I've submitted the URL for Brighid's Fire to a few search engines (okay, two search engines, Excite and Yahoo, and I'll probably never be added, but what the hey) and linked myself into a half dozen web rings with the intent to add maybe a dozen more. I'm a marketing person. I think, "How can I get people to visit if they don't know about me? Gee, these web rings seem like a good way." I know it seems excessive to have so many web rings, but you know what? It's my site and I can do whatever I want. But right now I'm tired of submitting to web rings. So I start looking about for something of more substance. I remember, when researching web rings and making some decisions about which ones to join, coming across a particular ring. It's called the Spirit Ring. Something about this ring caught my eye. Maybe it was when I visted the home page for WebRing and discovered that Spirit Ring was the third most accessed ring on the list in the "religion" (have I mentioned how much I DESPISE that word?) section. So I go and take a look at the home page for Spirit Ring. Wow! Wow! WOW! (...and did I mention Wow?) Something about it and I just fell in love. It's not entirely "graphic," like SO many pages (including my own, guilty as charged) on the web. It's honest, simple (if not extensive), and true. After an good long browse of just the home page and the author's "who is" (the author) page (spending at least 10 times the normal amount of time I spend at any site), I am compelled to write to said author. This email message becomes a rather long babbling thread which, more than likely, is utterly incoherent, but I have to note that somehow I managed to, in essence, have a 30 minute conversation (albeit one-sided) with someone I have never met. Now, this is not so odd of a concept for me, considering my stint on AOL (AOHell, shudder) and my frequent postings to the Witchware Message Boards, but it's never something I would have expected to have happen whilst surfing the web. (No expectations without agreements - a personal motto of mine.) The real test, of course, will be whether she writes back or not, and if she does, whether she says, "Hey! Wow! Great to meet you!" or, "Go away!" Anyway, the whole point is that this site, the home page of the Spirit Ring, is what has sparked my inspiration. So, if you want to know more about why I am torturing you this way, I SEVERLY suggest you go take a look. (For those who haven't looked yet and are too damn lazy to scroll back up, click here.)

So where am I going with this inspiration? Well, read on...

As I mentioned, I was a member of AOHell for well over a year an a half. It was a love/hate relationship. I loved being able to communicate with other people, to discuss new issues that crossed our paths every day, but there came a time when I go so fed up with it all. Not so much the people (I'm being nice here and not slinging mud, lest the threefold law kicks in), mostly the "service" of AOL, if you can call it that. (I'm sure you've heard all about it, so I won't go into detail.) But in leaving AOHell, I'm leaving something behind, a certain type of open communication, discussion, debate, etc. Now, granted, I get a fair amount of this on the Witchware Message Boards, but there's something missing there. Maybe it's that I feel restricted in what I can post, not so much content wise, though it is an issue because I want to be respectful of all, but mostly in length (depth, if you will - the deeper you go, the longer the post becomes). I don't want to take up excess space and entirely subject everyone to my insanity. (Oh, and did I mention that part of the restricted feeling comes from my computer's inabilty to properly interface with the scripting program, or something, [I really have no idea but I do know that it doesn't work right] and therefore many of my messages are cut short, thereby causing me to have to retrieve portions of what were written and re-post, as it were? It's a pain in the ass is what it is.) (Can I put a parenthetic remark in the middle of another parenthitic remark, like that? Nevermind it's the mother of all run-on sentences.) But here, here, and here, I can do as I please. These ARE my pages after all. So the thought is this. (I know you were wondering when I was going to get to the point.) Much in the vein of what I witnessed on the Spirit Ring's home page, I intend to use this space as sort of a personal journal, published for your perusal, as a way to spark thought, obtain insight, and generate dialogue (email me, damnit!). If I'm thinking about something, I'll post it here. If I have links to the subject(s) contained in the postings, they'll be linked here (I don't want to bog you down with the main links page, so this will work, however, note that many of the links that appear here will not appear anywhere else in the site, perhaps including my own pages that become extensions of this page). If I receive something that I think is worth sharing, I'll put it here in offering. THIS is the page you should visit most often, for THIS is the page that will be constantly changing, updating, fragmenting, etc. I haven't decided yet whether I will post it all to one page (adding as each individual page becomes excessive in size) or whether I will create a new page for each entry. I think, for starters, I'll have to play it by ear and see how it goes.

So there you have it. This is my inspiration. It's going to be a complete experiment. I have no idea whether it will fly or die. Honestly, I have no idea whether the whole site will fly or die, but since I've got the space, I may as well use it. I DO look forward to your comments, questions, and feedback, so please DO take the time to email me. This can't work unless it becomes interactive. (Well, maybe it can, but it would be awefully one sided.)